As hard as it may be to believe, years ago, I was in fact a very different person. Shy, reserved, and utterly without a social life or any of the skills that went with it. Hard to believe, I know, but despite what you may think, it was very true. I was the quiet one, with random bursts of energy. My social life, never started until I was seventeen which may account for a great deal of my inadequacies as a human, and with other people.

This evening, whilst I was clearing out my old bedroom, I came across something that I did not expect to find, something that I had assumed I had thrown out years ago. But something that I am glad I did not.

it was a set of three letters, postcards from a friend that was very dear to me, someone whom I met back before I had any idea what a social life was. This person had a dramatic impact on my life, and was a true friend where others were not. There were many stories that we shared, experiences and times that we spent together. As I sat reading these letters, it reminded me of all of this, and more. It was a happy time, a time I loved, with a person I cared for, and I could not help but be emotional.

Sadly, years on, we don’t talk anymore. Not for any fault of either of us, but simply that we lost touch. A decision that I regret completely. Still, good friends are hard to find, and on the rare occasions that they do come up, I’ve wanted to do everything I can to keep that friendship alive. As I’ve said to a few people lately, I hate loosing people, and I hate loosing people that are close to me.

So this year, I finally decided to send this person an email. Nothing too complacent, but something to say hello. Who knows, perhaps that friendship will still be there in some form.

As I write this final line, I’ll add that amongst many things, this is one of the biggest regrets in my life, and that I urge every one of you, to not loose touch, not loose the journey, but to keep those friendships alive, at all costs. Don’t make the same mistakes that I did. Don’t loose a chapter of your life, or a journey that you could have taken.

Right, This is a rant. It wont make much sense, It wont entirely sound right but I need to get it off my chest.

Heres the thing, we as humans, we all seem to have these little… ‘rituals’ or ‘games’ like when a guy talks to a girl. You can’t just admit, however subtly that you like someone. You have to play the ‘hard to get’ game with a generous amount of ‘teasing’.

Of course the same goes with people you meet and maybe upset, or confuse or just say something slightly out of place. Instead of actually being told that you’ve done something wrong, or a nudge in the ribs with the words “that wasn’t the best thing to say” most of us have to sit around and actually wonder what on earth we have done.

Now, I stress here and now that I have not gone and upset someone, at least not that I know of, and nor is this a blog post crying for sympathy. It is simply me expressing some thoughts after a long week of contemplating just why I don’t get people. In fact the more I try to understand, the more confused I get.

Actually, let me tell you where this came from. A few days ago I went out with some friends, as you do. I sat in a pub, chatting away normally, and then a few minutes later, someone goes silent. Totally. But of course they say they are fine. It turns out that I had said something that related to a ‘personal issue’ from their past.

Now, what I said, was perfectly fine, it just happened to remind them of it. But unfortunately the game got played and instead of someone being honest, or just shrugging it off, the person just decided to go off on one. So when I say I don’t understand people, I really mean it. I don’t understand them!

I really do think I understand pets / dogs etc more than i understand people!

Right, rant over. Don’t know if that actually made sense but, I needed to do it.

Next post… Mac! Yes… I know!