Sex, Lies &…Email??
Before I begin, this post contains a few contreversial things. Some of you might like this, and others might find it offensive. I am trying to take the most open and unbiased view on this possible, so please take that into account.
So we begin. Interesting isn’t it, that I feel I need to post a disclaimer on a subject such as dating. But we as people seem to find the whole issue of courting a very sensitive subject. Granted Courting has changed over the years from the atypical english “Tipping of the hat and offering a drink” to certain individuals ‘ploughing’ themselves with drink and asking someone if “you fancy a shag” before ending in screaming, fights and general unrest. (We wonder why domestic violence has risen so much…?)
Yet as far as it has appeared to have come, it still remains a very taboo subject. For me, it’s a little inconveniant, I’m single (and for the record, quite happy that way) but in all honesty I have a limited idea of how to approach the opposite sex for anything more than a friendship. Yet there are now more ways to do it than ever. Gone are the days when you were limited to bumping into someone in a nightclub or even bumping into someone in a supermarket when you dropped your can of beans and she bent down to help you pick it up.
Now we have adverts in the newspaper, speeddating services and even email services like match.com or datingdna.com or datingdirect.com. Now I have never used these services, nor do I have any intention of it, but it does make me wonder how things have maybe warped us with the “information super highway” becoming the “Infatuation super highway”. Would you pass up the opportunity to make smalltalk with the girl in the supermarket, or even in the street when you bump into anyone because it might be easier to date someone online? I have to admit I’m not sure if I would myself. Though it has never happened to me…
Though it must also be said, as life gets more and more complicated for us, and we all travel farther and farther to work and to get items we’ve purchased on eBay, so it becomes harder and harder to meet people. Has it really become so bad that many simply do not have the time to date or go out looking for a partner? Or is it that people want to meet people from greater distances, to fit with their lifestyle, or because they are more willing to travel? Or is it that some are just lazy?
Now, my view on dating is this. I don’t go looking for it, but if I meet someone nice, and things develop, then we see where it goes, but I am in no hurry to meet someone and get married and have the traditional 2.4 childeren and a semi detached house in surrey with a dog called Buster. But I do wonder what would happen if I signed up to any of the dating services. Would I move a long quicker and meet the girl of my dreams? Or would I miss out on the hundereds of thousands of girls that live in my area, and “The chase” that so many people seem to live for.
We know that there are certainly quite a few success stories. Alamari on twitter, actually said that he knows an elderly couple that met through the internet, and are married and have lived very happily ever since. I previously known people that met over the internet and were very happy and yes even got married. So perhaps online dating does mean that you will meet people you wouldn’t normally meet, and be happier than ever. But I am concerned still
We’ve all heard the story and seen the films where boy meets girl on online dating service. Boy is uncomfortable about self image, so sends a fake picture, girl does too, end up standing next to each other and never meeting because they arn’t looking for the right people. We’ve also heard about the people that troll the online dating sites looking for nothing but meaningless sex.
I am lead to believe that these services allow you to create a profile of what your looking for. So you can “Match up” with people. But what’s to stop someone from faking it? looking for sex, continuing it with numerous lies and several emails to potential “Victims” who take it seriously. (See, sex lies & email, it’s all coming together) But then how many people take it too seriously and think that it’s their last best hope and end up being warped by the egotistical scumbags that troll the places. Of course, some of those people are genuine, some are really looking for true love.
I don’t know what to make of it. One thing that does terrify me is the thought of going into a nightclub, and watching, even participating in the “drinking & shagging” ritual that seems to go on. I don’t want that, but I also don’t want the social stigmata of being the only person who has been single for so long, simply because I am personally not that bothered by dating or not. But even then, would I feel comfortable admitting I used a dating service to meet someone?
I end this article, confused even more now, about the social feelings toward online dating, the true intentions of those that are on these services, and even more about weather the world we live in has gotten so bad that we feel the need to look only online for love. Or is it more than that? Or less? Am I perceiving this wrong?
I open this up to my dear readers for your comments, and thoughts…
My dear young friend. I dated and married, twice, over a 38 yr. period. I am now happily married to my 3d husband (13 yrs this yr, lived w/17 yrs). I know that I could not have w/the aides virus because I worked for a Chinese medical doctor for two years and he treated it (successfully with herbs and acupuncture) but I saw those patients a lot. I know that many large, almost monstrous, fears have driven a lot of people onto the internet f/dating. Fears f/health among them.
It’s really hard to experience another person’s needs when you are speeding down the freeway in the car next to them, and they are also speeding down the freeway
AND
this is what the internet does when it is approached for relationships. It allows the human mind to blissfully race through a gigantic network of mental roads, zillions of them (at the speed of light).
The human body has cycles of life that it grows out of into the next day, every day (some are hereditary cycles, some foods eaten, water and liquids consumed, places, magnetic pollutions, weather, etc.) These can’t be given over the internet in an honest way, because the two cars are speeding down the freeway of the mind and has left the body behind.
Some humans have made marvelous adaptations to computer life, but some have not. I consider such ventures extremely dangerous. You can’t see, feel, touch, smell, or truly know that other person. Scientists have discovered an organ IN the human nose that deciphers sexual pheromones (in some humans the organs are larger, some smaller and they kind of resemble little beans). We don’t know it, but we are programmed to partner for at least 2 yrs. to produce an offspring.
Once that occurs many couples separate if “was just about natural sexual needs”. The human mind, though, is aware of the needs for love on a longer time scale than that of pheromones. I truly enjoy sex w/my partner but it took patience with experiences and divorces, finding me in each experience, and then a lot more direct experiences.
There are potentials out there but media saturation may ruin a lot of chances because it’s full of the addictions of the mind, so media has to be shoved aside regularly (and I do mean shoved!!!). The internet and other media outlets are a reality composed of trillions minds driving on roads made of variations of light energy that can be shut off w/a button or unplugged, whatever.
Having real love is nothing like that at all. Love is rich, deep, and full of life, so when you have it with that somebody, then it continues to make more life for a couple before, during, and after sex. It includes everything.
Melanie Griffith made an interesting movie when she was a young woman, It’s called “Cherry 3,000″ (or possibly “Cherry 2,000″). The world has gone through another war and the surviving humans live in a smaller group, some afford android partners. One young man accidentally shorts out his female android partner (a small disc runs the program). So he hires Melanie Griffith’s character to take him to Las Vegas, buried under sand and in a no-human zone. You may grasp some ideas by seeing this old SF flick, and it has an interesting ending. Maybe this movie will help you somehow. It was made before cell phones, internet.
May 04, 2009 @ 2:14 am